Copywriting examples to make your copy sound better
An example of good copywriting - helping you do copywriting on your own
You’ll be most probably looking for copywriting examples when you want to take things into your own hands, and not rely on the skills of a competent copywriter.
I must say such business owners are very rare - they do not have the time to tend to copywriting on their websites.
At best, they’ll point to copywriting examples to help the copywriter out.
Copywriters need such examples to see what clients view as their model to build their websites on.
They’ll even request that in their copywriting brief.
But if you’re going on that path alone, you’ll want to pick up copywriting examples that will demonstrate you what to use in your own copywriting in order for it to sound better.
In this blog article, I’ll show you such a copywriting example.
We’re going to improve it, and you’ll instantly see the difference it makes.
Start with copywriting examples that welcome the guest?
Here’s a copywriting example of a newly opened hotel.
I liked the layout of the website from the very first sight of it.
The visuals are indeed very inviting and pleasant to the eye, but its copy is what disappoints.
This is the header or the hero section of the homepage. Apart from great photos on a slider, the website lacks good SEO practise (but that’s not what we’re going to discuss now in this article). The copy is minimal. There’s nothing apart from the name of the hotel and a short slogan to it.
Just to deviate a bit from our copywriting example, let me just say that a hotel website should have high-quality photographs right where website visitors will look first - close to the header of the website, in the hero section.
High-quality photographs enhance hotel copywriting
Not only do high-quality photographs help with SEO (adding alt text information to the pictures increases the visibility of the website), they also nudge website visitors to make a desired action - book, purchase or download a marketing material
According to a survey by Adobe, 67% of consumers consider high-quality images for website to be very important when making a purchase online.
Now, let’s look at the copywriting example below which is positioned under such a high-quality image.
You’ll notice that it welcomes the hotel guest, but it doesn’t build any relationship with the guest. You’d certainly want to optimize that website copy, right?
It just describes the landscape, the hotel’s interior and talks about how humans had lost the connection to nature.
This is the hotel’s body copy on their homepage (as of March 2024)
Possible add-on to the copy: image of the root
You might also have noticed that the hotel copy has “Back to the roots” as a slogan.
An interesting layout solution would have been to place a ROOT illustration or image, or ROOTS in the hero section, and then have a “root”-focused copy (that’s the copywriting example below the improved Welcome copy section in this blog article) to follow the illustration.
The problem with this hotel copy is that it has 2 long sentences.
2 long sentences greeting the hotel website’s visitors at the start!
I’d certainly make the sentences shorter.
Shorter copywriting examples are even more effective
So, let’s cut these 2 sentences above and make shorter ones.
I didn’t want to change the overall copy, so I left the initial sentence, but only the first part.
Although “luxury” and “elegance” are somewhat not compatible with “nature”, I left these contrasting elements to stand there.
Look at these 2 copywriting examples again.
Which one do you find better?
The sentences are now shorter.
Out of the 2, you now have 4 sentences. The idea in the copywriting example with 2 long sentences is retained in the copy below.
Which copy sound better- the existing copywriting example on the website or the improved one (using the initial sentence)?
Although the words and images the copy presents are different, their ordering is not done right.First you set the location.
Describe where the hotel is located, then move onto the interior and describe what makes this hotel unique.
Then welcome the guest and describe the emotion of the receptionist, mention the friendliness of the staff. And then close this part with the ultimate feeling the guest will have, after having seen the location and being greeted, before heading to the hotel room.
Copywriting examples are more effective when read out
Analysing a copywriting example of a hotel newly opened and comparing it to an improved copy
In the YOUtube video with the improved hotel copywriting I showed you how the website copy changed.
It changed a lot - with the 2 long sentences made shorter.
The rhythm of the copy is now different.
Better.
You feel that better if you read your copy out loud. Make the necessary pauses.
You can feel the change of scene as the sentences follow each other.
But, as mentioned above, the hotel copy should be totally redone.
You’ve now seen the process and what needs to be improved.
A copywriting example suggestion based on an existing hotel copy
I invite you now to read my suggestion I’ve come up with, as an exercise I gave myself to train my brain, and come up with more appealing imagery.
What do you say about this copy?
It’s a totally different feeling when you hear the copy read out, isn’t it?
In this copy you have the concepts and images evoked by the words like “elegance” and “luxury”, “nature”, “freedom” (no other feeling is so much desired than this one), "haven” (the “refuge” which turns up in the existing copy later on) and “green” (the fields).